There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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