he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize