And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
