Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
