Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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