before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize