Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
