Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
