He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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