I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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