Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
