Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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