I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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