Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
