The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
