Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
40s are totally the cure
don't judge my taste in strippers
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
