First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize