"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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