dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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