absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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