I looked at my own cervix.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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