I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
