I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize