OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Pants are for mortals
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
