i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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