it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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