the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I looked at my own cervix.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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