I've blown a few things in my day
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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