so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
