Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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