i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
