eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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