You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
