I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
