I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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