Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
