he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
