I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
