Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
