i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
