Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We just shotgunned beers for America
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
