New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
