mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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