A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
