Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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