No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
3pm strippers are depressing
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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