I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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