okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize