A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
