Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
