You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
