He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
