I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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