New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
