im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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