okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
