She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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