How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
