I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
