a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
