woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
