Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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