she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize