I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
