i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
