i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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