I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
