No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
