my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize